the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
