Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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