OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
