why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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