if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
