So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
