Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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