He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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