So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
