i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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