The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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