Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize