I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
