Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My vagina is officially offended.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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