There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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