I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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