even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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