i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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