dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
