im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
