I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
