I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
