I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
