Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
