Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
