I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
