i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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