Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize