my mouth tastes like poor choices
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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