Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
