You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Dignity is for republicans.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
