i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
