Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize