I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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