If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
