everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
