I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My feet surprised me
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