I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I need moral support for this bender
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
