make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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