They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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