I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
