evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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