why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
