I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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