haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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