Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
