I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
