I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize