There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
