My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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