I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
