Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
