I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize