im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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