My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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