The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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