Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
