Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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