stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just want to make out with him forever
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize