I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
how does that bad decision feel?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
