A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Someone came in the potted fern
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
