Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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