New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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