Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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