you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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