$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
