listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
