Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
